With all the recent wildfires, flooding and other planetary catastrophes, the media is once again filled with horror stories of global warming. As usual, a percentage of the population (including some world leaders) don’t believe a word of it. Strangely, these are often the same people who knew the moon landings were faked, and the Covid pandemic was a plot by Deep State to control us all.
Fundamentalist Christians are gleefully rejoicing, claiming (as they’ve claimed for hundreds of years) that we’re now living in the ‘End Times’ – the ‘End Of Days’ – and they point out how the Bible tells a very similar story. The population back then disbelieved Noah when he warned them of the coming disaster and they were all destroyed.
With global warming now a reality, perhaps we should look into this earlier flood and see if we can learn something to our advantage. The history book used by fundamentalist Christians, the Bible, describes the lead-up to this worldwide disaster. Basically, it can be condensed to this - just over four-thousand years ago, God created absolutely everything and made two perfect people who were without sin. This couple then disobeyed their creator by eating some fruit and, because of that, every baby born afterwards was a sinner.
Shortly afterwards, God became really annoyed by all the corruption he witnessed in humanity and, in a peculiar decision, killed everything on Earth with a huge flood - even the children born on the morning of the flood were corrupt and had to be drowned. Plus every animal lifeform too, creatures which had no concept of corruption and evil.
Being omnipotent, one wonders why he didn’t simply click his fingers and change every corrupt person into a non-corrupt person. He could even have just made them vanish, thus negating the need for a flood or a huge boat, but as we know, he works in mysterious ways and instead decided to drown everyone and everything.
Fortunately Noah’s family of eight people weren’t corrupt (the only non-corrupt people on earth) and God saved them to repopulate the planet, warning Noah about the coming flood and ordering him to build a huge boat. Unfortunately, the babies born to Noah’s family in the following years were still born with sin inside them and that’s the situation we have today. As we’re all descended from this one family, we’re ALL born with sin. The solution is simple. With our knowledge of DNA, scientists could isolate and remove the sin from our genetic structure and we’d finally have innocent new-born babies without sin, but that’s an idea for another day. This blog is about the Biblical Flood and there are various questions that need answering.
Firstly, the water. Everest stands five and a half miles high and the Biblical waters covered this mountain. That means the entire planet was submerged beneath water more than five and a half miles deep. That’s quite a LOT of water. The deepest part of our oceans, the Mariana Trench, is seven miles deep, and submarines can only dive to a depth of around 3000 feet before the intense pressure begins to crush their steel hulls. Where did all this water come from and, perhaps more to the point, where did it all eventually vanish to?
Also, was it fresh water or saltwater? Freshwater fish and freshwater creatures can’t live in salt and vice-versa, so Noah would have had to construct thousands of tanks on board his boat to house the unlucky ones. I’m guessing the water covering Earth was salt, otherwise he’d need to take two of every whale species on board and that would require a much bigger ark than the one described in the official account.
I feel we need to address such points if we’re ever going to take this episode in our history seriously.
No one ever mentions the vegetation. How did all those countless millions of plant species on our planet survive after being submerged for over a month beneath five and a half miles of saltwater? If the pressure crushes steel submarines at 3000 feet, what would happen to, let’s say, an orchid after being subjected to five and a half miles of pressure for over 40 days?
No one is quite sure how Noah collected together all those creatures to save on his ark – the pandas from China, the kangaroos from Australia, the lions from Africa, etc. Our friends, the fundamentalist Christians, suggest that back then every animal species lived in the Middle East (basically within a few miles of the ark) and they only spread around the globe AFTER the flood. You have to ask yourself what WAS Noah thinking as he chose those animals?
He was told to take EVERY species on earth, but he left behind all the really cool dinosaurs, the mammoths, sabre-tooth tigers, giant sloths and unicorns (yes, there are unicorns in the Bible). Instead, he took some of the most bizarre shit imaginable – Syphilis, smallpox and cholera germs, the Ebola virus, vaginal yeast, those necrotising flesh-eating bugs, pubic lice, and the tiny maggots that burrow into the eyes of African children and blind them. You have to wonder how he managed to collect all this microscopic stuff and contain it during the voyage (before glass test tubes). You also have to wonder about the divine being who created it all in the first place.
Sceptics (like scientists, and people with common sense) ask how Noah obtained (and kept fresh) all the meat, fish, insects and other food from around the world for his creatures with specialist diets - ants, rare beetles and grubs, nectar for humming birds, etc, etc. Some Evangelists claim that, before and during the flood, everything must have been vegetarian. Wouldn’t it be easier to just say that everything lived on a diet of saltwater?
Again, we don’t know where the water disappeared to – that five and a half miles deep covering of water - but when it finally DID recede after 40 days, Noah’s Ark came to rest on the top of Mount Ararat in modern-day Turkey. He opened up the door and let out all the animals onto their new empty world.
What did the hordes of carnivores eat? The only available food on the entire planet walked out of the ark with them onto that same tiny bit of dry land. Surely, as the hunger pangs developed, the two lions would soon eat the two wildebeest, the two leopards would eat the two wild boar, the two lynx would eat the two springboks, and so on, and so on, and so on. Eventually the carnivores would run out of normal herbivore prey and turn on each other. I estimate that, after about six months, the only wildlife left on planet Earth would be one big fat tiger.
As every fundamentalist Christian knows, the flood definitely happened, so there’s clearly an explanation as to why we still have our vast diversity of wildlife.
For many years now, expeditions have been trying to find the remains of the Ark on Mount Ararat, and also the lost Ark of the Covenant from the Bible. They never seem to succeed in their quests, so why not just search for easier arks? The Ark Royal is at the bottom of the sea off Gibraltar, and an even easier one to find is the Arc de Triomphe, right in the heart of Paris.
Many Christian fundamentalists are certain that dinosaurs, like every other creature, were created by God 4000 years ago. They were saved by Noah on the ark, and lived alongside man until they died out like the Dodo a few hundred years back.
A full-size 'replica' of the Ark has recently been built by Evangelists in Kentucky, but as they know it to be historical fact, why on earth didn't they construct it as per the Biblical description, which is basically a big wooden shoebox? This one resembles a boat.
To finish, many faith schools in Britain (funded by American Evangelical groups) teach that the Bible is the word of God and EVERY word is true. They teach that the Creation is historical fact. More to the point, they teach our children that the story of Noah, his Ark and the flood actually happened.