'IS THERE ANYMONEY THERE?'

July 13, 2016

 

 

Simple advice for spirits when contacting the living through a medium.

 

One of the central characters in my novel Dark Equinox is a fake clairvoyant who witnesses a crime one evening and realises he has a choice. Simply reporting the incident will make him a mundane eyewitness, anonymous and quickly forgotten, but passing the information to the police as psychic visions will take him down a different path, hopefully to the kind of fame enjoyed by television psychics such as Derek Acorah and Sally Morgan.

Needless to say, he takes the latter route, but this got me thinking about genuine psychics and also how we should approach them after death. I’ve come up with a bit of simple advice for anyone thinking about contacting their loved ones in spirit form.

 

If you’re terminally ill and your wife wants to talk to you after you’re dead, give some thought as to how you’ll introduce yourself. This is very important and prevents the medium from looking like a fake. She’ll probably visit a town hall, along with two-hundred other women, and pay someone like Stephen Holbrook £18 or more for a ‘show’ of two 45 minute slots.

 

When you try to contact her through Stephen on stage, don’t just give him a letter…

‘I have someone here beginning with M, or possibly N...’

Why on earth would you do that? If you had no interest in word puzzles when you were alive, why start pissing about with them when you’re dead?

 

Also, don’t just say: ‘it’s David’. What use is that without a surname? Telling his audience he has someone named David for an unspecified person, makes Stephen look like a fake who’s fishing. Tell him specifically who you want to contact, not that you're there to speak to 'someone'. He’ll connect you far quicker if you say:

‘This is David Jessops for Amy Jessops sitting at the front there in the blue coat.’

 

Yes, the location of your loved one is also important. It’s always good practise to tell the medium where they’re sitting...

'The lady I want to speak to is Janet Matthews in the fawn raincoat by the door'.

It saves Stephen having to vaguely indicate to half the auditorium, saying: ‘I have a David for someone in this right half of the room, or possibly the left.’ Again, this makes Stephen look like a fake who’s fishing, so DON’T do it.

 

Once you get chatting with Stephen, you can mention someone in a uniform (all spirits seem to be very keen on this) and remember to make vague references to pets, a favourite song, and a faulty vehicle or household appliance. The good thing is, once you’re over the initial name hurdle, everything seems to flow just fine…

‘He’s telling me how he loved his holidays on the coast. Where was it again?’

‘Blackpool.’

‘That’s right, Blackpool. He says you both loved it there, but oooh, do you remember that time it rained and how wet you both got? And he did like his fish and chips, didn’t he? He’s telling me how he always asked for scraps and told them to put plenty of salt and vinegar on. You remember that, don’t you? He says you had a favourite song that always reminded you both of Blackpool. He’s saying it was… It was…’

‘Smile, by Lily Allen.’

‘That’s right, Smile. And he’s saying that’s what you should always do when you hear it. You should smile and think of him. Hey, good times, lass, he’s saying.’

 

The thing is, once you spirits start, it’s difficult to shut you up, but first you need to start and overcome that initial name hurdle. Remember to always give Stephen your name, not a letter, and most importantly, to give him your surname.

If you can’t follow this simple and rather obvious advice, don’t worry too much. Neither can any of the other dead people who ‘connect’ with Stephen.

 

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